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diff --git a/essays/creep.tex b/essays/creep.tex new file mode 100644 index 0000000..f2a491d --- /dev/null +++ b/essays/creep.tex @@ -0,0 +1,218 @@ +\chapter{Creep} + +When Helen Lefkowitz said I was "such a creep" at Interlochen in +1956, her remark epitomized the feeling that females have always had about +me. My attempts to understand why females rejected me and to decide what +to do about it resulted in years of confusion. In 1961-1962, I tried to +develop a theory of the creep problem. This theory took involuntary +celibacy as the defining characteristic of the creep. Every society has its +image of the ideal young adult, even though the symbols of growing up +change from generation to generation. The creep is an involuntary celibate +because he fails to develop the surface traits of adulthood--poise and +sophistication; and because he is shy, unassertive, and lacks self-confidence +in the presence of others. The creep is awkward and has an unstylish +appearance. He seems sexless and childish. He is regarded by the ideal adults +with condescending scorn, amusement, or pity. + +Because he seems weak and inferior in the company of others, and +cannot maintain his self-respect, the creep is pressed into isolation. There, +the creep doesn't have the pressure of other people's presence to make him +feel inferior, to make him feel that he must be like them in order not te be +inferior. The creep can develop the morale required to differ. The creep also +tends to expand his fantasy life, so that it takes the place of the +interpersonal life from which he has been excluded. The important +consequence is that the creep is led to discover a number of positive +personality values which cannot be achieved by the mature, married adult. +During the period when I developed the creep theory, I was spending almost +all of my time alone in my room, thinking and writing. This fact should +make the positive creep values more understandable. + +\begin{enumerate} +\item Because of his isolation, the creep has a qualitatively higher sense of +identity. He has a sense of the boundaries of his personality, and a control of +what goes on within those boundaries. In contrast, the mature adult, who +spends all his time with his marriage partner or in groups of people, is a mere +channel into which thoughts flow from outside; he lives in a state of +conformist anonymity. + +\item The creep is emotionally autonomous, independent, or +self-contained. He develops an elaborate world of feelings which remain +within himself, or which are directed toward inanimate objects. The creep +may cooperate with other people in work situations, but he does not develop +emotional attachments to other people. + +\item Although the creep's intellectual abilities develop with education, +the creep lives in a sexually neutral world and a child's world throughout his +life. He is thus able to play like a child. He retains the child's capacity for +make-believe. He retains the child's lyrical creativity in regard to +self-originated, self-justifying activities. + +\item There is enormous room in the creep's life for the development of +every aspect of the inner world or the inner life. The creep can devote +himself to thought, fantasy, imagination, imaging, variegated mental states, +dreams, internal emotions and feelings towards inanimate objects. The creep +develops his inner world on his own power. His inner life originates with +himself, and is controlled and intellectually consequential. The creep has no +use for meditations whose content is supplied by religious traditions. Nor has +he any use for those drug experiences which adolescents undertake to prove +how grown-up they are, and whose content is supplied by fashion. The +creep's development of his inner life is the summation of all the positive +creep values. +\end{enumerate} + +After describing these values, the creep theory returned to the problem +of the creep's involuntary celibacy. For physical reasons, the creep remains a +captive audience for the opposite sex, but his attempts to gain acceptance by +the opposite sex always end in failure. On the other hand, the creep may +well find the positive creep values so desirable that he will want to intensify +them. The solution is for the creep to seek a medical procedure which will +sexually neutralize him. He can then attain the full creep values, without the +disability of an unresolved physical desire. + +Actually, the existence of the positive creep values proves that the +creep is an authentic non-human who happens to be trapped in human social +biology. The positive creep values imply a specification of a whole +non-human: social biology which would be appropriate to those values. +Finally, the creep theory mentioned that creeps often make good grades in +school, and can thus do clerical work or other work useful to humans. This +fact would be the basis for human acceptance of the creep. + +In the years after I presented the creep theory, a number of +inadequacies became apparent in it. The principal one was that I managed to +cast off the surface traits of the creep, but that when I did my problem +became even more intractable. An entirely different analysis of the problem +was required. + +My problem actually has to do with the enormous discrepancy between +the ways I can relate to males and the ways I can relate to females. The +essence of the problem has to do with the social values of females, which are +completely different from my own. The principal occupation of my life has +been certain self-originated activities which are embodied in "writings." Now +most males have the same social values that I find in all females. But there +have always been a few males with exceptional values; and my activities have +developed through exchanges of ideas with these males. These exchanges +have come about spontaneously and naturally. In contrast, I have never had +such an exchange of ideas with females, for the following reasons. Females +have nothing to say that applies to my activities. They cannot understand +that such activities are possible. Or they are a part of the "masses" who +oppose and have tried to discourage my activities. + +The great divergence between myself and females comes in the area +where each individual is responsible for what he or she is; the area in which +one must choose oneself and the principles with which one will be identified. +This area is certainly not a matter of intelligence or academic degrees. +Further, the fact that society has denied many opportunities to females at +one time or another is not involved here. (My occupation has no formal +prerequisites, no institutional barriers to entry. One enters it by defining +oneself as being in it. Yet no female has chosen to enter it. Or consider such +figures as Galileo and Galois. By the standards of their contemporaries, these +individuals were engaged in utterly ridiculous, antisocial pursuits. Society +does not give anybody the "opportunity" to engage in such pursuits. Society +tries to prevent everybody from being a Galileo or Galois. To be a Galileo is +really a matter of choosing sides, of choosing to take a certain stand.) + +Let me be specific about my own experiences. When I distributed the +prospectus for \journaltitle{The Journal of Indeterminate Mathematical Investigations} to +graduate students at the Courant Institute in the fall of 1967, the most +negative reactions came from the females. The mere fact that I wanted to +invent a mathematics outside of academic mathematics was in and of itself +offensive and revolting to them. Since the academic status of these females +was considerably higher than my own, the disagreement could only be +considered one of values. + +The field of art provides an even better example, because there are +many females in this field. In the summer of 1969 I attended a meeting of +the women's group of the Art Workers Coalition in New York. Many of the +women there had seen my Down With Art pamphlet. Ail the females who +have seen this pamphlet have reacted negatively, and it is quite clear what +their attitude is. They believe that they are courageously defending modern +art against a philistine. They consider me to be a crank who needs a "modern +museum art appreciation course." The more they are pressed, the more +proudiy do they defend "Great Art." Now the objective validity of my +opposition to art is absolutely beyond question. To defend modern art is +precisely what a hopeless mediocrity would consider courageous. Again, it is +clear that the opposition between myself and females is in the area where +one must choose one's values. + +I have found that what I really have to do to make a favorable +impression on females is to conceal or suspend my activities----the most +important part of my life; and to adopt a facade of conformity. Thus, I +perceive females as persons who cannot function in my occupation. I +perceive them as being like an employment agency, like an institution to +which you have to present a conformist facade. Females can he counted on to +represent the most "social, human" point of view, a point of view which, as I +have explained, is distant from my own. (In March 1970, at the Institute for +Advanced Study, the mathematician Dennis Johnson said to me that he +would murder his own mother, and murder all his friends, if by doing so he +could get the aliens to take him to another star and show him a higher +civilization. My own position is the same as Johnson's.) + +It follows that my perception of sex is totally different from that of +others. The depictions of sex in the mass media are completely at variance +with my own experience. I object to pornography in particular because it is +like deceptive advertising for sex; it creates the impression that the physical +aspect of sex can be separated from human personalities and social +interaction. Actually, if most people can separate sex from personality, it is +because they are so average that their values are the same as everybody else's. +In my case, although I am a captive audience for females for physical +reasons, the disparity between my values and theirs overrides the physical +attraction I feel for them. It is hard enough to present a facade of +conformity in order to deal with an employment agency, but the thought of +having to maintain such a facade in a more intimate relationship is +completely demoralizing. + +What conclusions can be drawn by comparing the creep theory with my +later experience? First, some individuals who are unquestionably creeps as +far as the surface traits are concerned simply may not be led to the deeper +values I described. They may not have the talent to get anything positive out +of their involuntary situation; or their aspirations may be so conformist that +they do not see their involuntary situation as a positive opportunity. Many +creeps are female, but all the evidence indicates that they have the same +values I have attributed to other females---values which are hard to reconcile +with the deeper creep values. + +As for the positive creep values, I may have had them even before I +began to care about whether females accepted me. For me, these values may +have been the cause, not the effect, of surface creepiness. They are closely +related to the values that underlie my activities. It is not necessary to appear +strangely dressed, childish, unassertive, awkward, and lacking in confidence +in order to achieve the positive creep values. (I probably emphasized surface +creep traits during my youth in order to dissociate myself from conformist +opinion at a time when I hadn't yet had the chance to make a full +substantive critique of it.) Even sex, in and of itself, might not be +incompatible with the creep inner life; what makes it incompatible is the +female personality and female social values, which in real life cannot be +separated from sex and are the predominant aspect of it. + +Having cast off the surface traits of the creep, I can now see that +whether I make a favorable impression on females really depends on whether +I conceal my occupation. Celibacy is an effect of my occupation; it does not +have the role of a primary cause that the creep theory attributed to it. +However, it does have consequences of its own. In the context of the entire +situation I have described, it constitutes an absolute dividing line between +myself and humanity. It does seem to be closely related to the deeper creep +values, especially the one of living in a child's world. + +As for the sexual neutralization advocated in the creep theory, to find a +procedure which actually achieves the stated objective without having all +sorts of unacceptable side effects would be an enormous undertaking. It is +not feasible as a minor operation developed for a single person. Further, as +the human species comes to have vast technological capabilities, many +special interest groups will want to tinker with human social biology, each in +a different way, for political reasons. I am no longer interested in petty +tinkering with human biology. As I make it clear in other writings, I am in +favor of building entities which are actially superior to humans, and which +avoid the whole fabric of human biosocial defects, not just one or two of +them. + +\clearpage +{ + + +2/22/1963 +Henry Flynt and Jack Smith demonstrate against Lincoln Center, February 22, 1963 +(photo by Tony Conrad) +} +\clearpage + + |